I was working with a client, Joann, the other day and she said that she tells people, when they first meet, that she’s a “bitch.” As we looked at the reason why she would announce such a thing, especially to someone she just met, we found several processes going on. But the most important discovery was that she’s not a bitch. She’s direct, to the point, and matter-of-fact. So now, instead, she’s going to tell people that.
Another client, Andrea, is working on how she comes across. She tends to snap, can become agitated and frustrated easily, and has a hard time controlling her tone. Her concern is that her children will grow up with an image of her as mean.
While I don’t advocate being a pleaser, always trying to make others think of you in a certain way, it is important to consider how you want others to see you. But what lies even deeper than that is what kind of person you want to be, for yourself, not for others. Others benefit, but you do it for yourself. Do you want to be the type of person who is direct? Who is kind? Who is generous? Who is wise? Who is loving? Who is helpful? Look at it from the other side, do you want to be a complainer? A gossip? Mean? Critical?
Consider who you want to be and set your intention to express just that. Monitor your words and actions based on how others will see you because of those behaviors. Make adjustments so that you are expressing the true, pure, wonderful you. In my own personal experience, as I altered what I expressed outwardly, my internal dialogue changed too, making loving thoughts and actions flow effortlessly.